I'm guessing Bush is probably not a fun drunk. Think about it. Here's a guy who calls his top advisor "Turd Blossom." And that's when he's sober. Imagine the fratboy graffiti he comes up with after too much toot and Lone Star.

I picture him sidling up to Laura and grabbing her ass as he calls her his "little piss sponge."

It's also easy to imagine him calling his daughters at all hours, sobbing like a baby, whining "Your mother doesn't love me anymore."

He probably prank calls John Kerry all the time too (Bush: "Is this here the president?" Kerry: "No." Bush:"You mean your not the president of these United States?" Kerry: "No." Bush: "Can you say that one more time?").

He's probably the kind of drunk who would rather puke in behind the couch or down the heat register than in the toilet. I envision Scott McClelland and Andrew Card trying to wrestle him to the executive commode, threads of saliva hanging from his mouth as he screams, "I'll fix you bitches good. Don't you misunderestimate me!"

Just as he collapses onto the bathroom floor, Cheney walks. Imagine that intervention. Bush groans and pisses himself at the sight of the man's shoes. Seeing an opportunity to flex his sadism, Cheney announces, "Mr. President, your mother is here. She wants to see you now!" And with that Bush wimpers "I'm a bad boy," goes into spasms and passes out.

That felt good.