I don't know that there is anything I could do for you Noel, and I don't really know you as well as other wombers, but I must say, you did something for me as I read you're letter. I cannot imagine parenthood. I'm 30 and have run into old schoolmates/friends in the store or the beach, and they introduce me to their kids and/or their wife, and I can't ever picture it as real. But when you describe how being away from your kids feels, I could feel it, and my eyes watered up. I don't know what it's like in your shoes but it sounds like you have a will and a resolve to do the right thing, and seeing to what's good. I think that with that things will take turns for the better. Feel free to be open here, letting it out might be the best thing for now.

b